Tiger
she entered the world early
birthed years before the date
her eyes painted wide to the beauty and disparity of the world
she is beautiful in a twisted way
sort of like a china doll
her kind face a stark contrast to the storm raging in her mind she speaks of traumas and evils
to protect those she loves
yet they diagnosed her saying
you are psychotic
you are wild
you are not normal
she used to cower
but it was too hard
keeping her growing intelligence inside
they saw her as a threat to society
and maybe she was
For they knew she was more than life
she is the universe boiled down to a drop
a silver tear that ran down the face of the
purest and into the mouth of those with ill
intentions
she writes letters to her lingering dreams
her world in the very ink she uses
she yearns for someone to share with
yet when she opens her mouth to ask
poison is injected under her skin
they trap her in the prison
bound by spoken words and harm
those only entrapping her because of fear
her beautifully destroyed soul
sings for help
a melody the wicked disregards
but
a melody that only those born
from the liquid of the universe
can sing to
that beautifully broken girl
who searches but never finds
that beautiful broken girl
who loves so much
yet with one word can shatter your heart
and with one smile the storm
raging inside her
seems to pause
with one smile from her
the world stops in the middle of a rainstorm
in the middle of tragedy
everything seems to stop
just
to get a glance at her earth shattering beauty
if only they heard your plea
if only they knew what crashed beneath your
beauty what internal battles you lost
if only they knew the intricate design of her small
body everyday shoving compliments down her
throat
but it is never enough
she tries
she tries to laugh
and smile with them
she tries to calm her stormy eyes
and balance her sharp cheekbones with her glossy
forehead but they don’t love her
or know her
yet she tries
that beautiful broken girl
is at the precipice now
debating if she should let the waves crash over her
so she falls into the abyss
not knowing what pain would follow
It is easier than opening her eyes to such a
cruel
world
she tried and she is numb now
every cut penetrating her skin
every thought floating the sea of emotion
makes her cower
my poor baby is tired, my poor baby tiger ♥︎
Brown
as the years went by
my skin faded
slowly at first then rapidly
all because i understood
what they meant
my mouth full of is nots instead of aints
discussing books instead of rap
refusing to fill my mouth with the foul, bitter water
they drank
with every refusal, discussion, and correction
my brown skin slowly turned pale
my “friends” even helped peel my brown skin away
they promised me
“it will be painless”
i didn’t realize they meant temporarily
they pulled and pulled
until
i was what they thought
“white ”
my eyes loved it too
the purity
the innocence
my hair
burned flat
turned blonde
my hobbies
named me
my bright green eyes
dimmed to a glazed blue
everyday
waking up to the pale face
they said i had
brushing the curl out of my hair
and removing the essence of me
everyday peeling more skin
yet something changed
a brown patch of skin grew
back
it always happened but
this time
i told them to stop peeling it away
and they left it
alone
but disregarded me
as my skin made its return
i began to embrace
my big black booty
my big black lips
i indulged myself in the hobbies
they said didn’t align with my blackness i painted
i painted a galaxy on my skin
warm with liquid stars disguised as tears i sang
i sang songs of country love stories and autumn leafs i danced
and boy, i danced like the world
was watching
i
was
happier
and i still am
making sure to kiss my beautiful brown skin
goodnight
lathering it in rosy oils and perfumes
but not every day is so beautiful
when i do cry on those stormy nights
i blame my skin
i blame my mind
and
i blame my heart
but the stars shake their head
and the moon tells me
that i honor myself every waking moment i am
alive and in those moments i wish i had learned
earlier that my brown skin is mine.
Tiger Woman Rise
tiger woman rise
is what he used to say
johnny, the only man that could ever love
the brown skin
raised in a different country
the claw marks ran down your lovely thighs
your smile diminishing
every time they put you down
your friends used your beauty to achieve a
greatness
you deserved
your mom spoke of sorrow and scarred you
limiting everything you could be
because of johnny’s people
they told you, tiger sway your hips to the top
when he told you to read and love the world
to take care of the very earth beneath your toes
where your ancestors were buried but still lived in your soul every word rushing from your mouth
the very pain that heals you is the same pain that sets you apart yet the very man who you called father silenced you he didn’t care about you, your wellbeing, or your values he let them do it to you
he let them take the only power you had against the world
he was supposed to love you, but you are a tiger woman not meant to be loved by any mere mortal
not meant to be loved
envied
not meant to be kept
wild
not meant to be safe
hunted
“tiger woman, you are free from any restriction,”
johnny said while painting stars on her thighs
your stripes paint the universe
your skin colors the very world
your potential cannot be determined
you are not meant to sway your hips
nor
swallow your spit
you are meant to shove your heel through that door and
dominate the very world they control
to show a love and compassion
the love and compassion you never received
to empower other women who were shut down as you were
tiger woman
roar
tiger woman
roar
tiger woman, johnny cried as his blood spilled over the
soil the very soil “johnny’s men” owned
like a martyr, he left the words freedom
coated in blood
after that day you never would forget his
love you would never back down from a
challenge never cower away from sharp
words
never bow down to anyone
soon you would conceive his child
and his child would be me
the mix between the african savannah grass and the georgia
ranches even though i have only heard whispers of you, daddy
thank you for helping the strongest animal in the forest regain her
voice and in the silence of it all when the soil bloodies again when
color is again seen as a weapon
i will hear
tiger woman rise
The Cracked Bus Window
she looks at him through the cracked bus window
as the cool wind kisses his neck
and the sun caresses his shoulders
he doesn’t know the eyes that peer past his clothes
past his skin
searching for a heart
searching for the remnants of the past
that twinkle in his eye
that smile
that kindness
when it’s hard closing her eyes
she thinks of his embrace
even wears their secret promise of forever
as a flag of hope
love whispers to her whenever he is around
with its light cooing voice
she drifts closer to this precipice
not wanting to fall
but not wanting to stare
at the sharp sweet words
that would pierce her skin at the bottom
but she looks at him through a cracked bus window
wondering if he bares anything of hers on him
hoping her name spelled in ink
bled through his head
to fill his mind with love
but she looked at him through the cracked bus
window and all of a sudden she was the one on the outside
the cool wind kissed her neck
the sun caressed her shoulders
and she looks to see
him staring at her through the cracked bus window.
Love’s sister
sleep fought me
its arms laced with acid thoughts of lingering love and pain
the cold pillows create an illusion of security
as a warmth spreads through my limbs
the dark sings a melody only lonely souls can hear
And my tears sing along
as they start their journey down my lips
the heart connected to the mind
the mind connected to sorrow
she is the sister to love, the one who has a grasp on my heart
as she squeezes my heart, her seeds of doubt are planted in my chest
my throat burns from the words i never said,
they itched to fall out of my mouth like a sweet-savory syrup
so they could fill someone's head with secrets and thoughts
the thoughts that poison clarity
the thoughts giving hope to those inevitably heartbroken
i said what needed to be said
and he did what he wanted to do
i close my eyes yet the feeling
is.
still.
there.
the pain of want, need, sorrow
why does she choose to torture me when she knows i’ll do anything,
rip my heart out but save his
pollute my thoughts with ill intentions and darkness
yet leave his pure
remove my personality, dreams, and virtues
so he may remain with his
i fell in love with the taste of his flaws and sins
yet mine never appealed to his appetite
he never dreamed to heal my wounds
to show me the universe that he looked upon,
he only left me in the dark
if only he would have noticed
that i grow in the light
i let those eminent words push past my lips
spilling out like a peaceful stream of water
but once it touched the cool air, it turned from water to a bitter
wine a poison that only sorrow could understand
a poison that helped me open my eyes
About the Author: Ayanna Owens is currently in 10th grade and attending North Kansas City Highschool in Missouri. She comes from a family of 7 and they are her everything. Many times, they are the inspiration for her work and passion. Ayanna also runs a custom painted jeans company and dreams of her New York Penthouse. She wishes to look back at her life in admiration of all the things she has done.
